Thank you for Dappled Light. Timely
Let me take you on a walk through my interaction with your email.
I saw your email and l was yessssss. My plan was to open attachments last night, however yesterday turned out to be another venture into tokenistic meetings, the other, questioning what l was doing in that space?, words twisted and watered down, blackness, privileges, what? Are there people fighting for lives out there? Second guessing self, pulling my thoughts back, holding on to my conviction, sinking, gasping for air. Seeking some sort of sense in a somewhat hopeless situation or is there room for hope, sense, value.?
That’s what happened in a nutshell.
So basically it was an emotionally exhausting day. Silent screams and real tears.
Opened the attachments. I see this amazing image, that literally transported me from my head space into the trees and the light, l was there. Hope arise.
Then l opened the audios. It was spot on. Your voice that literally snatched me from the conversations inside my head, from the fed up space into, Into hope, hope, hope. There’s more. There’s more. In a nutshell Dappled light spoke to me on a deep level. I needed it right now.
Prior to this, I was experiencing a level of, impatience with the fact that l’ve not opened the attachment yet. However, the experience l had when l opened them reminded me of this phrase
It will happen at the right time
It reminded me of the right times l have experienced over and over again and the big smile and warm feel that over takes me. Felt it tonight
It reminded me of the multiple times we applied for my daughter to come over from Zimbabwe and the application was rejected, when she eventually came, it felt like the right time?
On the other hand
It reminds me of my mother who died in 2013. The last time l saw her alive was in 2004.
Though she was ill, l could not go home for all sorts of reasons. Multiple layers of reasons.
Sometimes l come up with comforting thoughts that make my separation from my mother palatable, sometimes I experience deep moments of sadness.
The immigration system, my past relationship. my state of mind, my proactiveness, forgiveness, there are so many layers that come into play when my mind visits this space.
Dappled Light, made me breathe. Deep felt thank you for sharing that moment.
When you shared cracked but not broken, l felt compelled to share a few pieces l wrote in 2018. I feel it again in Dappled
please find attached Broken Chains and I Migrated and Crushed but not Defeated
Coventry, UK 16th June 2020
I was supposed to be doing other things this morning but when I opened your email I felt compelled to read the contents, and the attachments. Everything you say resonates so strongly. Sometimes things that feel so wrong turn out to be so right, the coming together of different moments in a way that wouldn’t have been possible at another time. Our impatience, frustration at what we think could/should be but come to realise was not meant to be. At least not at that time…
Maybe it’s a story we tell ourselves to make sense of the frustrations, the despair. Or maybe it has something to do with the synergies/energies that exist in the world beyond our human comprehension and understanding. I’m not sure. But what you say is so very true to me, at this moment, that there must be something in it!
I need more time to absorb everything you have sent me but when I read ‘Crushed but not defeated’ it resonated so strongly with ‘Cracked but not broken’ that I felt compelled to get creative!!!! Our experiences and ways of understanding them speak to each other so strongly/clearly, feel so interwoven. So I combined the two pieces of writing into one attached.
And then I remembered the piece of artwork you are weaving into that you showed Karen and I last time we spoke and how you were using this to tell a different story of your wants/needs/desires. So I literally cut up our separate pieces of writing and wove them together to tell OUR story! I’m sending you some photos. The work is not well executed in an artistic sense (my printer ink was running low and the glue was very messy!) but I hope you get the idea and like it. Maybe we could do a bigger piece based on this kind of idea? For me as an academic and a writer the words are very powerful but so too are metaphors. For example I like the way in which, in the woven piece, some words are stuck and fixed whilst other are looser and move about. It was mostly chance/random but as the piece developed I definitely wanted some pieces/words to be on the top and pulled them out more prominently. Again, I lack the creative skills to make this look ‘pretty’ but I’d love to play more with this idea…
Italy, 17th June 2020
Wordsmiths: Laura Nyahuye / Heaven Crawley
Designer maker: Heaven Crawley
Photographer: Heaven Crawley